The glass begins to slip from my grip,
And with my other hand, I grab at my wrist,
And quickly guide the drink to my waiting lips,
And then everything is oh,
And everything is quite alright.

And I, and I, and I
only last a couple of days
I know I am a failure,
I shouldn’t be in this room,
But in my own sculling away,
I’m only twenty,
I’m not quite ready,
To change my life.

The liquids quickly begins to disappear,
I watch it sink and sink and right in my ear,
‘Just one more, it won’t hurt’ is all I hear,
And then everything is oh,
And everything is quite alright.

And I, and I, and I
only last a couple of days
I know I am a failure,
I shouldn’t be in this room,
But in my own sculling away,
I’m only twenty,
I’m not quite ready,
To change my life.

So, so quickly I throw this down
so, so quickly to my calling throat,
I should be throwing this to the ground…

But I’m not ready for out.
I’m not ready to give this up.
I’m just a kid, how’d I wind up
like this? I’m just a kid,
all my friends are doing this,
I just take it a little far…
I just concentrate on keeping my eyes
alive on the way to the hospital.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010
13/5/10

I have been lying down for too long, your
footprints mark my head and stomach darkly,
I won’t do this anymore, no I am standing up
to meet you, I’ll squeeze your hand to let you know
that I am serious about this.

I am sitting up, my feet are working tough,
The bones in my back ache after such a long rest,
But I am using my spine now, oh I am using
my courage to tell you where to go.

I have let the reins fall too long, your
hands gripping white knuckled in control,
I won’t do this anymore, no I am reaching over
to take the reins, I’ll pull and pull to let you know
that I am serious about this.

I am sitting up, my feet are working tough,
The bones in my back ache after such a long rest,
But I am using my spine now, oh I am using
my courage to tell you where to go.

I don’t feel I need you anymore,
I used to say I’d be lost without you,
But now I am only confused around you,

And I took a shower and washed
every footprint off and I am holding these
reins so tight my fingers bleed,
But I am in control.

I am sitting up, my feet are working tough,
The bones in my back ache after such a long rest,
But I am using my spine now, oh I am using
my courage to tell you to…

leave me alone, I won’t lie down in front of you anymore,
I am not yours to puppeteer anymore,
And I love the sound of my back when it cracks
Because I know my spine has toughened up
and now I feel alive.
Posted by e-r-eden at 2:15 PM 0 comments 16-4-10

There’s all these songs goin’ round,
With boys screaming into microphones,
About broken hearts and bleeding wrists,
Wearing dark make up and resenting everything
and everyone, it’s a hole so deep,
an obsession, an addiction so strong.

To keep oneself so sick in one’s head,
To keep oneself so lonely all the time.

There’s all these kids that’re listenin’
to other kids screaming into microphones,
About real loneliness and deep sorrow,
Wearing frowns and swallowing funny pills,
and drinks, it’s a hole so deep,
an obsession, an addiction so strong.

To keep oneself so sick in one’s head,
To keep oneself so lonely all the time.

There’s this real dangerous craze
going around where kids are all cutting,
Now despite beliefs, this ain’t a joke,
Kids smoking and wearing horrible scars,
no tears, it’s a hole so deep,
an obsession, an addiction so strong.

To never believe in anything,
Then you can’t get disappointed,
To never have any hopes at all,
Then you can’t fall any further,
What a stupid hopeless myth
What a stupid hopeless mess you’re in, kid.
Posted by e-r-eden at 2:05 PM 0 comments 14-4-10
My mind holds a ‘under construction’
sign up loud and clear, I’m not really here,
I’m just gritting my teeth and hurting my jaw,
I’m closing my eyes and trying not to cry,
And I’m aching for a poison, aching for…

you, if I could say my last words
(Can’t believe I can’t remember)
I’d make them something strong
Like I love you, simply true,
If I could say my last words, again.

My body holds a ‘under construction’
sign up not so loud and not so clear,
I’m falling apart on the inside hiding it all,
I’m closing your eyes and I will not cry,
And I’m constantly aching for…

you, if I could say my last words
(Can’t believe I can’t remember)
I’d make them something strong
Like I love you, simply true,
If I could say my last words, again.

My mind holds a ‘under construction’
sign up loud and clear, I am screaming it out here,
I’m clenching my jaw and grinding my teeth,
I’m closing all the eyes and I will not cry,
And I’m aching for more than a poison…

you, if I could say my last words
(Can’t believe I can’t remember)
I’d make them something strong
Like I love you, simply true,
If I could say my last words, again.

I am aching…

to give you my last words again,
Can’t believe I can’t even remember,
I’d love to tell you how I love you,
I’d love to hear you tell how you love me,
I hope you know, I hope you know how I
loved you so even though I never called,
I am aching to have you know.

16-4-10

There’s all these songs goin’ round,
With boys screaming into microphones,
About broken hearts and bleeding wrists,
Wearing dark make up and resenting everything
and everyone, it’s a hole so deep,
an obsession, an addiction so strong.

To keep oneself so sick in one’s head,
To keep oneself so lonely all the time.

There’s all these kids that’re listenin’
to other kids screaming into microphones,
About real loneliness and deep sorrow,
Wearing frowns and swallowing funny pills,
and drinks, it’s a hole so deep,
an obsession, an addiction so strong.

To keep oneself so sick in one’s head,
To keep oneself so lonely all the time.

There’s this real dangerous craze
going around where kids are all cutting,
Now despite beliefs, this ain’t a joke,
Kids smoking and wearing horrible scars,
no tears, it’s a hole so deep,
an obsession, an addiction so strong.

To never believe in anything,
Then you can’t get disappointed,
To never have any hopes at all,
Then you can’t fall any further,
What a stupid hopeless myth
What a stupid hopeless mess you’re in, kid.

Cities

I’m hiding my body under blankets,
Just like I’m hiding secrets under my skin,

And I’m building cities out of pills,
And the rivers aren’t running innocent water,
And I drive a car made from an old
pharmacist’s box and it goes pretty fast and crazy
when I pull on the lid-of-a-bottle steering wheel,
And my future’s being painted in blood
all over this addictive town.
I’m hiding my feelings in metaphors,
Just like I’m hiding injuries under clothes,

And I’m building cars out of old pill boxes,
The acceleration pedal pours something dangerous,
And the brake pedal is brief sobriety,
I’m driving around in circles and I’m trying to open,
I’d rather die jumping out of a moving car than…
I’d rather but the child lock has been put on,

Just like I’m hiding my sick skeletons
In a closet that never seems to end,

And don’t you know I’m not a kid anymore?
(When laughter rips open your jaw)
This isn’t funny anymore,
(When the punch line hit my gut,
then my head, then my gut again
when I was down -
sprawled and distraught)
And the tragic punch line is the fact that
I was never really a kid at all.

I hear this faint k-k-knocking
inside my head, I think it’s all my problems
reorganizing themselves in an order
that can be dealt with,

I think, I don’t count on it but I think,
it might just be hope.

I hear this faint c-c-clunking
inside my head as I recycle every bottle
and the air is replaced with a foreign
object that might help,

I think, I don’t count on it but I think,
it might just be hope.

I hear this faint s-s-screaming
inside my head – I still have issues
but sometimes I am free, for now
that will have to do,

I think, don’t you dare quote me,
this head, this heart may have found
a little hope.

The eyes are your best shot,
Because my tongue hides in the back
of my throat too afraid to even
greet my teeth let alone the light
that shines through when my lips
are pried apart, but I only ever lie.

I just bite my lip to stay silent,
I just hold my bottom lip down
with my front teeth, just so I don’t
say anything I’ll end up regretting.

The eyes are your best shot,
Because my tongue hides in the back
of my throat too shy to even
greet my teeth let alone the light
that shines through when my lips
are pried apart, but I only ever lie.

I just bite down my mind,
Just to hold the truth inside
with my fear, just so I don’t
make another thousand mistakes

Even the eyes are learning to lie,
As my tongue hides in the cave
of my throat – finding it hard to
swallow and clenched fists tell
more than my mouth ever will,
Body language is a luxury,
Body language is my worst enemy.

what a mess

It’s that flash you see out the corner of your eyes
that you have to hold on forever, never let it fall
from your two hands, you might just never find it again,

oh, what a, oh, what a mess
I have found myself immersed in,
oh, what a, oh, what a mess
I have found myself the creator of,
oh, what a, oh, what a mess.

It’s the pull you feel as it slips through your fingers
that you have to get a grip on, never let it fall
from your two hands, you might just never find it again,

oh, what a, oh, what a mess
I have found myself immersed in,
oh, what a, oh, what a mess
I have found myself the creator of,
oh, what a, oh, what a mess.

It’s the strain in your arms as you tug it all back
and ‘I’ll never let this go now that I’ve got it’
in these two hands, I will keep it pinned to my chest,

Don’t you keep your head buried
in your palms, won’t you keep your head
where your hands are, and then your head,
your wrists, your throat, your hands,
your heart might just stay intact.

oh, what a, oh what a mess
I have found myself immersed in,
oh, what a, oh, what a mess
I have found myself the creator of,
oh, what a, oh, what a mess

and oh, what a story I will have to tell
oh, when I realize these hands can
lift this chin, these eyes to a level
oh, where I look at the world, unafraid.

Poets With Instruments

18-6-10
Poets.With.Instruments.
They save lives by singing words
that I relate to, do you understand?
They are simply the poets with instruments,
A modern take on 17th century literature,

Clever word-play and a beautiful strum,
A fast wit and the strategic hit of a drum,
A voice of talent with such a range,
And they might seem a little different, a little strange,
The thing is though, they just got brains.

They save lives by singing words
that distract me from my own life,
They are simply the poets with instruments,
A modern take on 17th century literature,

Pretty patterns weaved with poised pens,
A whole record of truth worth a listen,
A clash of sounds with such a range,
And they may seem a little different, a little strange,
The thing is though, they just got brains.

They save lives by simply using words
the way they should be used in love letters,
They save lives by simply using words
the way they should be used in hate letters,

From arrogance to bouts of low self esteem,
From love to hate and back again,
A mix of feelings about such a range,
And they may seem a little different, a little strange,
The thing is though, they just got brains.

They are simply the poets with instruments.

The Beach

1/10/10

The beach holds such mixed memories for me,
With my first love we watched the sea,
We watched the waves crush the shore,
We ran, we played tag in the sand,

But we didn’t last – I broke his heart,
Wore him down with my war story,
So I wouldn’t be the only one breaking,
Blame game no wait, I’m just so sorry.

The beach holds such mixed memories for me,
With my best friends we sat in the sea,
They talked while I felt so out of place,
I drank, they ran, I cursed the sand,

We didn’t last – I broke their hearts,
Wore them down with my war story,
So I wasn’t holding everything inside,
Blame game, no wait, I’m just so sorry.

I’d drink the entire sea if it gave me that feeling,
I cursed every mouthful that didn’t,
It cost me more than money and headaches,
I’d eat the entire beach if every grain were a pill,

The beach – it brings out the worst in me,
With only myself now I watch the sea,
I watch the waves collide around me,
I bend, on my knee’s, I hope God can hear me,

“I need something consistent,
I need someone who can take my story,
So I don’t have to feel all alone and broken,
I’m tired of always feeling sorry.
Amen”.

"why"

5/10/10

I’m puzzling today about why
people would want to befriend me,
I’m so unworthy, I don’t understand it,
I can’t see any kind of good reason

why you’d nearly kill yourself
just trying to save me,
I guess I nearly killed myself
trying to save you too.

I’m sitting all alone and wondering
why I have a phone when it goes off
and I wonder who could possibly want me,
I can’t see any kind of good reason

why you’d nearly kill yourself
just trying to save me,
I guess I nearly killed myself
trying to save you too,

But you are worth more than my life,
You are worth more than a thousand tears,
Yet I think you sit alone and wonder

why I’d nearly kill myself
just trying to save you,
Well you nearly killed yourself
trying to save me too,

You are still my everything,
And I am still a good for nothing.

Honesty

Honesty

6/10/10

Honesty doesn’t agree with me,
Makes my guts squirm like worms,
Hurts my eyes so I can’t sleep,
And lets go my tongue so I can speak

But I don’t want to utter another word
or take another breath with these
never-meant-to-be lips.

For me, there is nothing worse
than vulnerability and weakening
just because you can’t keep a secret,
It kills me.

I have these double standards
which are so disgustingly distorted
having these expectations for myself
so much higher than for anyone else,

But I try not to expect anything at all
from me, I don’t want to break this
never-meant-to-be heart.

For me, there is nothing worse
than vulnerability and weakening
just because you can’t keep a secret,
this kills me.

So I try not to speak a word,
So I try not to breathe too deep,
So I try not to cut my veins,
So I try just to sleep the night through,
I try just to survive another day,
And it’s all for you, believe me,
It’s all for you,

But I don’t want to expect anything at all
from you, I don’t want to break this
never-meant-to-be heart.

Vulnerability equals healing,
Speaking isn’t weakening,
And vulnerability equals trusting,
And trusting is all based on strength,
And honesty is the only cure.

Run

Run

4/10/10
I’m yelling at my shadow
‘open your eyes this isn’t
going to last forever, there’s
a window of opportunity,
And I’m afraid it’s narrow
so you’ve got to get moving,
and kid, run that mouth
‘til your tongue is limp
and your head is free,
And kid, run that mouth
instead of those feet’.

some older stuff

11/10/10
It’s hard when you have to
talk yourself into taking every tiny step
and everyone’s expecting you
to run a marathon and get top prize,

Their expectations
require motivation,
I keep the smile plastered
the best I can,
But I fear failing despite the
distance I’ve ran.

It’s hard to comprehend
that everyone is believing in you to win
when you can’t believe a thing
you’re just trying so hard to impress,

Their expectations
require motivation,
I feel the smile slipping
into tension,
And I fear failing despite
all the attention.

I feel the pressure of the lies,
I feel their hopes for my life,
I just fear I cannot fulfill them,
I am tired of all the attention,
I never asked for it – why can’t I just
be sick and that’s it.

Their expectations
require motivation,
I paint the smile all the way
over my frown,
And I am close to failing
I’m sorry but I’m out.’

I drowned my head in you,
I drowned my head in impressing,
Now I need to work on getting better.

Fighting, screaming,
Hands trying to hold back the tide
and then drag it back out,
I thought I could swim alright
but the rules are different
in the darkest hour of the night,
In the deepest part of the ocean,
I’m unseen.

In my dreams I,
Am so desperately trying to jump
through the lines of time,
I thought I could erase this
but what’s done is done
and I’ve no power to change it,
The tidal wave screams through me,
I’m unliving.

Denial is not a river in Egypt
but I do have mommy issues,
She couldn’t protect me
But neither could daddy,
‘Cause every secret I hid
was buried deep inside a pyramid.

You can’t run from a tidal wave
Just like you can’t blow away a hurricane
But I’ve been drowning fires
in gasoline for years and years.
Denial’s addiction is the brain,
It’s like using a paper umbrella
to protect yourself from the rain.

And this pyramid heart
is slowly being dismantled stone by stone,
I’ve such a long way to go,
But at least I am letting the armor
that has been dragging down my lips and my shoulder
slowly fall, I’m sharing the weight ‘cause
Unintentionally I’m inevitably growing older.

I may not be able to control the weather
But I can make the decision to let my defenses down,
I may not be able to control the balance in my mind
But I can make the decision to never back down,

And I can wake up in the morning with the intention
to just make it through another day holding my head
up above the water.

A different kind of footprints

My body is so full of footprints -
like wet cement, I’m drawn in,
Graffiti your name, take a hold ‘cause
This is history in the making,
I’ll keep you dried inside me forever and never say,

Long after you skip town,
Long after we never really met,
Long after the G word…you will remain,
Good riddance is so easy to say,
(It’s the goodbye that’s hard)
But darling, it’s more than time,
This has been so long in the making,
(Why does it feel it’s come on so fast)

So now I’m sick of being a footpath -
I am a human, I’m not fucking concrete,
So take it back, and take this in ‘cause
This is history in the making,
Who knew you could hate someone you loved so dearly?

Long after you told another lie,
Long after I never really knew you,
Long after the G word…you will remain

Good riddance is so easy to say,
(It’s the goodbye that’s hard)
But darling, it’s more than time,
This has been so long in the making,
(Why does it feel it’s come on so fast)

So I’m not a mode of transport,
I won’t get you from point A to Z,
I’ll try to get you from not guilty to -
well no, you’ll never feel guilt,
(now that would be history worth reading)
‘Cause in the end you are nothing like me after all,

Long after I screamed,
Long after I said ‘enough!’,
Long after the G word was never uttered,

Well my chest is not for your foot,
So I say, so I say, with so much difficulty,
so I walk away, so I walk away,
If it was easy it wouldn’t be worth doing,

Good riddance and goodbye.

13/1/11
Do you feel you shoulder all the blame,
Do you feel even an inch of my pain,
Do you live like me - every day the same,
I go over the memories again and again,
And it makes me hate myself,

I am so dirty, I cannot get clean,
I am so desperate that
I even tried using gasoline
to burn away all of my scars
but all it did was burn away
any hope I dared to have last.

I have been told ‘kid, grit, get over this,
You’re holding too tight onto the past,
Why the hell can’t you move on,
I swear it is not as hard
as you are making out, have a shower,
Wake up, get on with the day’

And I inserted the tape again,
And I press rewind, play, rewind play,
I scrutinize your face to place some blame,
I live every day the same over again and again.

I am so dirty, I cannot get clean,
I am so desperate that
I even tried using gasoline
to burn away all of my scars
but all it did was burn away
Any hope I dared to have last.

My lungs feel like they’re full of water
Rather than air, yeah, I’m drowning,
while you’re yelling ‘grit your teeth, kid’,
Well all that does is trap the water in,
And make me drown a little bit faster, oh
I can hardly breathe.

I am so dirty, water is so weak,
I am so desperate that
I even tried to burn my heart
clean with a can of gasoline,
But all it did was burn away
my entire identity, my face.

the Yellow Black Road

14/1/11

The Yellow Black Road

I thought I was doing alright,
I thought I was right on track,
Then they told me this yellow
brick road is actually deep, dark black,

You coloured over it and I didn’t even notice,
Well just how weak-willed am I?

Now there’s something wrong with you
if you find fun in fooling others,
Now there’s something wrong with me
if I let others treat me like concrete,
My body is not a footpath.

I’ve written so much today it’s a wonder
my fingers are still attached.

Life was finally turning a corner,
I was finally feeling okay,
Then they told me this yellow
brick road is actually deep, dark black,

So where the hell am I heading?

Now there’s something wrong with you
if you find fun in fooling others,
Now there’s something wrong with me
if I let others treat me like concrete,
My body is not a footpath.

Thought I was heading in the right direction,
Seems I was tricked, played for a fool,
I will not let this perturb me from my way,
I will keep fighting and take a scrape
of every recommended track from now on.

Now art is meant to be beautiful,
Why would you turn it into something so ugly?
Now art is meant to be so beautiful,
So why am I such a disgrace?

i miss you.

this is so fucking typical it's not funny but for some reason i like it XD ANGST.

26/1/11 I Miss You.

A typical ‘I love you’ song,
Yeah, get your bored ears on,
You think you’re doing me some good,
Ignoring every text and every call,
My insides feel all shuffled up
like the cards I’ll never fold for you,

I miss you baby,
I miss you,
There’s nothing else in this chorus
‘cause the verses say it all,
The most important line is this,
I miss you baby,
I miss you.

A typical ‘I miss you’ song,
Get your ‘heard it before’ ears on,
You don’t even think of me anymore,
Not bothering to reject every single call,
Just letting it float up over your head
like the love I have for you,

I miss you baby,
I miss you,
There’s nothing else in this chorus
‘cause the verses say it all,
The most important line is this;
I miss you baby,
I miss you.

A typical ‘slit my wrists’ song,
‘Cause ‘I miss the only girl’ song,
‘Poor me, pour me another’ song,
I’ll sing ‘til my lungs come up my throat,
Like the love that crushes my chest,

I miss you baby,
I miss you,
There’s nothing else in this chorus
‘cause the verses say it all,
The most important line is this;
I miss you baby,
I miss you.

Baby, I miss you,
I miss you.

31/1/11
I went to sleep in my own life
And I woke up as Jesus Christ,

I took for granted my disciples,
Then Judas shoved me in the back,
I’l l admit a sin – I thought suicide could be nice,
You see this way of talking,
preaching some feel the need to call it
Is all simply an act – I am within each of you,

I have been hurt by a friend,
I have cried in wonder,
I have questioned the end,
I have made a thousand blunders,
I have felt sick at the thought
of what I must to do to make it right,

And I see them approach with nails,
And I feel no fear for I am fulfilling my destiny,
And I see them approach with nails,
Despite the pain I do smile at the blood,
For this is all for you,
For this is all for you,

And I wake up as myself again,
I almost forgot to breathe in my sleep,
Then I remembered it’s more than a dream.

My Light And Dark

3/2/11
My light is finally getting a little watering
And my dark is so much more than envious,
My light is finally getting some spotlight
And my dark is always lurking backstage,

And when my light walks off stage,
My dark grabs her around the throat
and whispers ‘next time, half the time,
The way it’s always been, I know
there’s new management
and all these brand new plans,
But we all know who’s in charge here’
And he lets her go with a warning snarl.

Crying, she wails all night but I don’t know what to do,
Crying, she wails all night but I block my ears to the sound,
Crying, she wails all night but I don’t know how to comfort.

My light defies and continues to show
And my dark is growing so very distraught,
He’s so unused to being second best
And my dark is growing a little weaker,

Or am I growing a little stronger with a new torch here?
Or is this flame allowing the light to shine brighter?
Or am I growing a little courage with a newfound spirit?

And when my light walks off stage
And he grabs her again,
she wails loud enough for me to hear
And I come and I say
“Dark, back off, you might have had reins
for here quite a while
but I’m putting you in your place,
This isn’t right, it’s never been okay,
But now I’ve a voice of my own,
And I’m going to let my light show’.

Addiction

1/2/11
There is a war in my throat,
The bile versus the drink,
Up or down? Down or up?
Let’s go up, then down
and repeat. Get it out now
to just get it back in.

Addictions aren’t meant to make sense.

My entire mouth is a desert,
The roof like sandpaper,
Waiting for the drought
to end, when it rains
here it storms. A thunderclap
as my head hits the table.

Addictions are more than a weakness.

A hazy roof greets me upon waking,
My body is so much more than shaking,
Can I stand? Can I walk? I check
I am okay, I survived another day of this
harsh treatment,
And relief washes through as I fill
my throat with victory and let the cycle begin again.

There is a war in my throat,
The bile versus the drink,
Up or down? Down or up?
Let’s go up, then down
and repeat. Get it out now
to just get it back in.

Addiction is an impatient desert.

I never felt closer...

9/2/11
Hands on hands leads to entwine fingers,
I never felt closer until…
(It’s a pity this is a game inside my head)

Your warm cheek under my young palm
I never felt closer until…
(A game is too easy a word, let’s think)

You place your hands around my face,
those eyes could never fail
(A second reality may suit this better)
Your breath is so close I taste it,
my shaking so visible
(A preferred reality may suit even better)

You tighten, your bottom lip rests on mine,
I never felt closer until….
(Oh, I pray let this be real)

Tastes just like gold, just like intimacy,
I never felt closer until…
(Oh, I beg let this be real)

And each one of your fingers is possessed
by an entire expedition
(I explore another reality that’s really not)

And your hair through my fingers feels,
I never felt closer until…
(I pray trick my eyes)

As I pull you closer, as you balance
your weight over my body,
those eyes could never fail

And then so gently you lower yourself,
I never felt closer until…
(I pray let me get confused)

Finally our tongues tie around one another,
I never felt closer until,
(Let me mix up my two worlds)

I beg let me get confused
(as your body covers mine)
I’m trying to talk myself into believing
(as your hand runs circles)
this is the real world and the other
(as your hair tickles my neck)
mundane, boring world is the
(as your breathing quickens)
fake.

Please deceive me into this.

I never felt closer until…

You Were The Dark

You didn’t fill the dark -
you encouraged it.

You didn’t find the light -
you turned it off.

You weren’t the sun -
you closed the curtains.

You didn’t find the emergency generator,
You blew out every single candle,
So I would be in such need,
And there you kept me,

In the dark.

You didn’t fill the dark -
you ignited it.

I scaled the walls for years -
to find the switch.

I was always trying to peek -
through the gap.

I wanted to find just a tiny bit of light,
But how on earth could I with you,
You stood in front of the sun,
So only shadows could live on.

14/3/11

14/3/11

I’ve lost my drive -
my weak feet
are on the pedals
but the engine
is not running.

I pump and pump,
I’ve slept and slept,
Trying to renew,
Trying to refresh
the drive I not so long ago had,
But I can’t find it,
And I can’t weep
because I refuse to be that weak.

I pump and pump
until my feet blister,
Trying to fight,
Trying to hear whispers
of the drive I not so long ago had,
But I can’t see it,
And I can’t weep
because I swear not to be that weak.

Double standards I create
will kill me, that I know,
I am just not sure I care,
The things I have done,
Sure I will reap what I sow,
And all of this, I know,
I am just not sure I care,

I stand, I sit, I sit some more,
I lay down staring at the door,
But I can’t quite mould my hand
to the door that I can no longer understand
So I sit, I sit and I sit some more.

I’ve pumped and pumped,
Hell, I’ve slept and slept,
Trying to renew,
Trying to refresh,
The whole time simply begging

for death.

Stay Gold

3/4/11
And you’re a blank canvas
and I won’t dare make a mark on you,
But you say I already have made more than one,
And I won’t dare make you as dark as me,

I’ve secrets you have no part in knowing,
I’ve been places you shouldn’t roam in,
I’ve got secrets inside this chest that
would strip you off all your beautiful innocence,
And I won’t be the one to...

And you’re a blank canvas
and I wouldn’t touch you if you didn’t ask,
But you asked and I couldn’t help but just run
my fingers ever so gently across you,

And now you’re pulling at my heart
for all the secrets you know I’m keeping,
You’re begging to pull my ribs right apart,
But you don’t realise you’re compromising all your
beautiful innocence, and I won’t be...

I won’t be the one to...

If only you’d never, if only I’d been able to,
If only you’d never, if only Id been able to,
If only you’d never, if only I’d been able to
say no,
But the truth is I’m attracted to what I don’t have
and that’s where your purity comes in and I would rather break
your heart than your gold, stay gold,
But the truth is opposites attract
and that’s where your purity comes in and I would rather break
your heart than your gold, stay gold,

I’ve secrets you’ve no place knowing,
I’ve been places you shouldn’t roam in,
I’ve got secrets inside this chest
that would strip you of all your beautiful innocence,
And I promised myself
I wouldn’t be the one to strip you of all your...

But you’re pulling at my shirt,
And you’re reaching into my heart again
and I want so desperately for someone to know me,
But I won’t be the one to kill you,
And you’re pulling at my chest again,
And you’re reaching deep inside again
and I want so desperately for you to know me,
But I won’t be the one to kill you,

I’d sooner break your heart than splinter your gold,
stay gold, promise me, stay gold.

This page will contain LYRICS written by me, Emma Rose Eden.
For POETRY go to my other page, "Heart Beat In A Poem" - www.emma-eden-poetry.blogspot.com

Thanks for looking and look forward to hearing your comments and feedback!